So Colton has now officially been home for 8 weeks!!! I can't believe it has been 2 months already. The last two weeks have only been mildly eventful. Colton even smiled for the first time!
Isn't he a cutie!!!
Big Brothers are still working on adjusting to having the baby home. Caleb wants to help all the time and its sweet but he is a little too rough for my liking and makes his momma very nervous! Brayden is still struggling with losing the attention. We are still having whining fits and demanding attention that I can't always give him. I know that it does not help that I feel like I am constantly telling him "I will ____ you as soon as I am done feeding the baby". I feel awful about it! The other day around 7pm he actually walked up to me and said "Mommy can't you just play with me now!" and it broke my heart. Unfortunately it was a day that Colton was EXTREMELY needy and of course I was again nursing him. I know that it will get better I just wish it would happen sooner than later. I feel so bad for them and me. Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can take the new attitude that I'm getting from the boys. I feel like we have EXTREME mood swings. One minute its "I love you mommy" or "Most Awesome Mommy Ever!" (have to say that one felt good), then a few minutes later its "You are the worse Mommy". Now I know that they don't mean it but its still hard to have. As a Mom all you want to do is make your little ones happy and do everything in your power to make their lives as perfect as possible. When you realize that you can't it breaks your heart!
I've been trying to bring myself to understand that over the last few weeks. To know that all I can do is the best that I can and I'm not perfect and I never will be. Then it happened, I learned to let go.
A few months ago my husband hung a piece of paper on the fridge with a bunch of motivation phrases on them. I read it every few days and most of them make sense or are things that I have learned to live by, but for some reason this one slipped past me until recently.
I was at my wits end with Brayden and felt like I was going to lose it. I had been fighting with him all day to get him to listen to me and it just wasn't working. I walked into the kitchen and happened to peak at his paper and read the following: I Control No One But Myself.
DING DING DING
A light went off in my head. I really don't control anyone but me (even that is questionable at times). As much as I want to control my children they are very quickly growing into little people. Even at 4 and 5 they have minds of their own and feelings that they need to express.
I always feel awful when we leave the house and my kids don't behave. And even worse when I hear someone say something like "can't you control your children" and the truth is I can't! The best that I can do is to try and teach them to be good people. I can't control that my 5 year old has a tantrum about not getting to buy a new toy at the store. All I can do is explain to him why he can't have it and try to teach him to express his emotions in a more appropriate way.
I have to say that so far I've noticed little difference in anyone but myself, but I have to start with the ONE thing in this equation that I can actually control. ME.
What do you struggle with when it comes to raising your children? Do you ever feel like there are times that you don't know what else to do and you just want to give in?
It's the truth. You can only be the best parent you can be.
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